guy: Are you a vending machine? because your a snack. girl: Your card got declined. guy: Thats ok you got to bang them a few times to get you moneys worth.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below
Trump: I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy Melania: Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy? Ivanka: Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy Pilot: Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank!
how do you break up blind people in a fight? scream i put my money on the guy with the knife
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
Mom:hey hun need some money for lunch at school? son:no i got 1k already mom:Wait,what,how- son:moms wallot is magic
I saw a little boy begging for money i said"are you an orphan" he said "yes what gave me away" i said" Your Parents"
Son:mom can i borrow 50$?
Mom:What NO WAY what do you think money grows on trees?
SOn:mom what is money made of
Mom:paper
Son:where does paper come from?
Mom: . . .
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
Ok I put one penny down do you smell anything? :1 scent I put two penny's down do you see any fruit? :2 pairs I put three penny's down do you see and law enforcement? :3 coppers I put four penny's down do you see any cars? :4 Lincolns I put 5 penny's down do you see any pussies? : NOT FOR 5 CENTS YOU DONT
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. 'Oh no.' He says to his friend' if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.' 'Dont worry' his friend says. 'Put a £20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the £20 note for the dry cleaning.' 'Brilliant!' the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. 'No no' the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. 'A man threw up on me and gave me £20 for the dry cleaning.' 'Whats the other £20 note for?' asks his wife. 'Ah, that's from the man who shat in my pants.....'
Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.
what do you call 2 octopus that look the same? Itenticale!
Where does a octopus put its money? In a octo-purse
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snowbank
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream They don’t have money.
Once upon a time there was a poor man, a middle class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said "I found happiness through money and all of my assets." The middle class man said "I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household." The poor man said "I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me." And then the wall fell on them.
Wife is texting husband- Honey if I give you 300 dollars will you stop being blind? husband-seilghsielguG Wife- seriously David Husband-fuweyadb
My kids so dam bad.we took them to Disney in Florida.they paid me not to bring them back ever.
why are orphans prostitutes
so they can call someone daddy
homeless person: says to rich person ''im homeless''.Rich person:''Then buy a house''
