Mom's jokes

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

Yo mom is so fat that when she stands on a scale, she broke it, lol.

Why did your mom cross the road?

Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

What do a 14-year-old and the fetus inside her have in common?

They both say, "Ohh sh*t, my mom is going to kill me!"

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

I cried when my mom started to cut up onions... onions was a good dog.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Ur mom gay.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom jeans!

Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

This category is messed up.

My Mom died in 9/11, at least she was doing what she loved, flying planes.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."