Mom's jokes

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

She’s so therapeutic.

When I need to cure my restlessness, I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your mom's breastestess!

What do you call a mom that is yours?

Your mom!

Mom: It's time for sleep.

Baby: Is that what you think, huh?

Mom: *gives baby pacifier*

Baby: Nice try, hobo.

Mom: Well, I'll come back later to see if he's gone asleep.

*few hours later*

Baby: *still awake*

Mom: Why IS HE NOT ASLEEP?!

Baby: Lol, I told you nice try haha.

My mom holds up a hot dog and shouts, "WHO WANTS A WIENIE!?"

When my mom said you have to listen to classical music at my new school, I had to listen to it twenty-four seven. After that, I sang the song [with] the wrong melody for my music teacher 😎

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

Daughter: So, I got my period.

Mom: That's wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying!

Daughter: That's nice, Mum, but isn't the whole point of getting your period dying?

Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to another day.

Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically.)

Mom: You're welcome, honey. (Clueless, obviously.)

Am I considered a cannibal because I told my mom that Grandma's ashes were sugar?

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.

Your mom saw Uranus and never was the same in HD. :)

Me: What is the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Friend: Let me guess, they both suck you.

Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...

It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.

Your mom's so fat, she don't need to be worldwide, she already is.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

Hi, how are you? Busy, busy today and tomorrow. I have to go home from home and walk home. Walk and a bike. Walk, walk, and a bike to school tomorrow night. I have to have lunch with my mom and dad, and I have dinner with you tonight.