Mom jokes

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

You want to hear a joke?

Your mom.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

Evan, mom hot?

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Jake: Can I go outside?

Mom: Did you clean your room?

Jake: No.

Mom: Then f*ck no.

Jake: Alright, bet.

(Brother named No)

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.