Mom Jokes

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!

If my mom decides to get Chick-fil-A for dinner, and when I decide to eat my family for dinner, is that called cannibalism?

What do a banana and shampoo have in common?

Ur mom.

Why did your mom cross the road?

You were on the same side as her, and she wanted to get as far away from you as possible.

When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

Mom, start eating, or else you will get fatter!

Kid: I got homework.

Mom: Ok, so?

Kid: I got a F in my balls.

Your mom's so fat, she annexed Crimea!

Me: Where's your mom?

Kid: [cries]

Me: [leaving from the adoption center]

The thing my mom birthed.

My girlfriend broke up with me today. Her mom had to take her to daycare. 😢😢😢

Your Mom is so friking fat, that when she ripped her pants and went to the seamster, they said, "We don't sew curtains!"

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

In America, mom births you.

In Soviet Russia, you birth mom.

Listen, if my mom sees me on Roblox at 3 a.m., she said she would bang my head against the keyboardndfndfnnckvnksdvknkdsfnvbfw.