Mom jokes

Your mom is so stupid, she stopped at a stop sign because it never said "go."

Tell an orphan "your mom", but then remember he doesn't have one.

My mom went to take out the trash, but I couldn't find you.

Your Mom's Favorite Book, Chapter 1: How To Cook.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

David: I will surpass Kakarot!

Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

My sis came up to me and said, "Mom told me to take the trash out for the rest of the year."

"So, uh, you free tomorrow?" 😂

What were the orphan's mom and dad's names? John and Jane Doe.

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

Mom: There is so much of the dog's dirty ball marks.

Me: *umm ohh no* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA dirty balls!

You want to hear a joke?

Your mom.

Evan, mom hot?

Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”