Mom jokes

My mom told me to recycle the trash. I guess I’m taking you for another bike ride!

When I was 11, my mom came home from the bar super drunk that night, and I just wanted to know if they knew where the cat was because I heard a noise. We had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

Yo mom is so fat even Dora can explore you!

Why does the emo's mom like taking her son to the store?

Because the cashier can scan his wrist for discounts!

So I told an orphan if her mom is hot, he wouldn't stop crying.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to your mom's house.

Knock knock.

You: Who's there?

Your new father!

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

We have Build-A-Bear; meanwhile, orphans have Build-A-Mom, or if they’d rather, Build-A-Dad.

Your mom is so hot, if she had an OnlyFans page, she would get more money than companies during Pride Month.

You want to hear a joke?

Your mom.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

My mom told me to look for a bill in her file at her home office. Instead, I grabbed my sister's adoption papers.

There was once a small earthquake, but when I got outside, I realized my brother was still stuck inside. When I told my mom, she just said, "It doesn't matter, you're my favorite anyway!"

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

At 6, she wanted a happy mama.

At 8, she hated acting like a mom.

At 10, she wanted to see her own smile again.

At 11, she wanted to see her mom.

There is someone in my class named Henry Rocket Rueben, and he always says he rockets into my mom.

My mom told me to get dressed, and I said, "For what? Are we going to the rodeo?"

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!