Mom jokes

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."

Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!

Your mom is so fat that when she went on top of one of the Twin Towers, it collapsed.

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.

Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

But your mom's the best, the super M.I.L.F.

And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol, but if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all.

Evan, mom hot?

My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”