Mom jokes

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

What does your mom say when she is working?

Nothing, it's rude to talk with your mouth full.

What's your mom and a dog got in common?

Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.

Your mom is so hot, if she had an OnlyFans page, she would get more money than companies during Pride Month.

Why do I f*** my mom?

Like father like son. #batabababa

My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?

Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

What's your mom on?

Deez nuts!

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."

I know everything about Walt Disney! How he died, how his mom and dad died, how his kids died, when he was born, where he was born, and how he was born. 😏

When you see your mom.

Me: bruh

Her: Are you serious right now bro?

Me: Yeah no shit.

Her: *slaps me*

If you make a joke about me, I'll tell my mom.

My mom was telling me about different pastas. So many pastabilities!