Mom jokes

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."

"If you're good at something, never do it for free."

Rapboat's mom charges $5 a blowie.

Kids when they meet a kid out of home alone be like: “At least your mom came back!”

Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.

Why does your mom hate you?

Because you are a loser.

One time, little Johnny was watching TikTok, and he saw a toy that he wanted so badly, so he cleaned up the whole house and did his homework. When he was done, he saw a spill on the table. He went to the sink to grab a cloth, but when he came back, it was gone. He went to his mom's room and saw a drink with the label "daddy's drink," so he drunk it and said, "It's daddy's; he won't mind," and all day he was like the Flash. So he went back, turned the bottle around, and it said "Speedy," and then he said, "Oh, great heavens!"

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…

Where was your mom last night? In the man club?

One day, Little Johnny walks in on his dad getting dressed and asked, "What is that, Daddy?" Dad said, "Oh, that's my snake." The next day, Little Johnny walks in on his mom getting dressed and asks, "What is that?" Mom says, "That's my bushes." The next day, Little Johnny can't sleep, so he goes into his parents' room and asks Dad, "Why is your snake going into Mom's bushes?"

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

Me telling my parents I'm depressed: my parents, "No, you're just a little stressed and want attention, am I right?" My depression worsening, me: "Yeah, you're totally right mom..." Me in my head making a plan to commit suicide.....

Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.

Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*

Dad: Babe, we need to talk.

Mom: Okay......

Dad: He's grounded.

Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.

Son: Am I getting a new daddy?

Mom: Soon honey, soon....

Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.

Mommy sits on my potty and sings a song about poop.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

Mom, shut up. Me? I don't shut up, I grow up. When I look at you, I throw up.

My mom said my sister was an angel, but when I threw her out the window, she didn't fly.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!