A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
I have a fear of speed bumps
But i am slowly getting over it
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C:… You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday. Me; "Are you ok sir?" Midget; "Well, I’m not happy." Me; Well, which one are ya?
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Q: what do you do if you bump into a koala A: you koalagize to it.
5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off and bumped his head momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?”
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember there are no speed bumps… I hit bambie
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed.
One fell of and bumped his head
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said
Why the heck was my children jumping on a bed.
“TINY HANDS, EVEN TINIER BRAIN”
(live comedy club) Foul Mouthed Trump Hating Comic :
…“Hey how 'bout that Donald Trump chump, what the fuck up with that dude, man ? Geeeezus, he got some kuh-razy ass shit spewing endlessly out that pie-hole, 24/8!” (< leap week, muthafukas !) . . . “I mean, even his last name rhymes with shit that’s synonymous for being fucked up, for instance”…
STUMP : TEENY DICK
BUMP : TINY TIT
GUMP : DIMWITTED MOVIE IDIOT GUY
MUMP : A FUCKED UP CHILDREN’S DISEASE
LUMP : IF IT’S MALIGNANT, YOU’RE KINDA FUCKED
UMP : OFTEN MAKES TERRIBLE CALLS
RUMP : AN ASS
DUMP : A PILE OF SHIT THAT CAME OUT OF AN ASS
HUMP : SOMETHING DADDY DID TO HIM DAILY THROUGHOUT CHILDHOOD
PUMP : SEE “HUMP”
. . . and last, but definitely not least –
JUMP : JUMP INTO A DEEP HOLE MOTHER FUCKER, AND GO TO HELL !!
… “Well that’s about it for me as my explosive diarrhea is about ready to take a turn for the worse !! …(splort!, plop!)… OOOOPS !! … sniff,sniff … Ewww !” (audience roars) “Fuhhhhk !.. I better go, 'cause I just went !! … Ha! ha! ha!”
…“Thank You Lazies and Gerbilmen ! Good Night !!” …
(endless laughter, guffaws, cheers, jeers, queers, beers, pants pee-ing, beaters beating, pepper sprayin’, guns poppin’)
“OH LORDY !!.. HELL HATH FINALLY COMETH, AND ARMAGETTIN’ THE FUCK OUTTA HEEE!!”
(quick curtain call, and off to waiting taxi……….with the windows down) …Amen.
When I trying to eat, but I hurt my feet. When I using a hoe, but I hurt my toe. When I going to a doctor, but then I get trolled. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I using a copper, but I enveloped by a hopper. When I trying to draw someone, but it ended up with a punishment. When I spit on a bunny, it jumps right on me. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
When I growing older, someone called me a slacker. When I was 33, I bumped into a tree. When I getting angry, people calls me crazy lady. Oh I just, want to say, what the flip?!!
Man, don’t you hate it when you hit a speed bump by and orphanage but then relies, there’s no speed bumps here…
What bumps up and down at 100km an hour?
A baby tied to the back of a speeding truck
Five little monkeys jumping on a bed, one fell off and bumped his head. Mummy called the doctor and the doctor said “I’m gay!”