Bump Jokes

When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.

When you're going 80 mph and hit a speed bump,

Then the speed bump starts screaming.

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

I have a fear of speed bumps. But I am slowly getting over it.

Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,

One fell off and bumped his head.

The momma called the doctor and the doctor said...

“We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

What happens when an asian with an erection bumps into a wall? he breaks his nose

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repeatedly told him to look where he was going.

When you run over a speed bump in a school zone and you remember that there are no speed bumps.

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving 50 mph and hit a speed bump and it screamed!

What's the point of hiding the screaming speed bump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming. B: Make it look like an actual speed bump. And C... You think it's hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach.

When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.

I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps, and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire, and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried, but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.

I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂

What did the Indian say when he bumped into someone else?

"Sari."

I drove through a school zone and found out you can drag a speed bump 😬.

Q: What do you do if you bump into a koala?

A: You koalagize to it.

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.

Me: "Are you ok sir?"

Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."

Me: "Well, which one are ya?"

Man, don't you hate it when you hit a speed bump by an orphanage but then realize there's no speed bumps here...

There are two types of faces:

The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.

Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.