Mom jokes
Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."
Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.
You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.
Your mom is so fat, that burger.
Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."
What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.
Me: *watching TV*
Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!
Me: Really?
Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.
What's the difference between your mom and a troll?
Nothing, they both look the same.
Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.
Mom: I made you.
Family all eating at the table.
Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."
Sister: "Stop the cap."
Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."
Dad laughed.
Stepmom storms out of the room.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
My mom told me to unplug all the electronics, so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
A girl with no arms and one leg goes to her mother and asks: "Mom, next year for the carnival, can I dress up as a princess?"
The mother replies: "Why? Didn't you like the ice lolly dress from last year?"
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
Son: Mom, can I tell you something?
Mom: Yes, of course, honey, what's up?
Son: Ok, you have terrible jokes! They're not even funny!
Mom: Well, I made you.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
One day I asked my mom where kids came from. She said the man who went to the milk store.
Five years later, he came back and left again.
What is an orphan's favorite toy? A mom and dad action figure.
Ur mom gay.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.