Mom jokes

I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.

And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."

My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.

Your mom is so fat, they asked if she was a sumo wrestler.

Moms have Mother's Day and dads have Father's Day. What do single guys have?

Palm Sunday.

Why did the orphan cross the road? (Not to see his mom or dad.)

Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

Little Steven was scared to take a shower by himself, so he asked his mum to shower with him. She said ok just don’t look up. He looked up and said wow what are those. She said they are headlights. He looked under and stuck his finger in it and said oh what is that. She said that’s a Pu-pu-pu Bush!!

The next day Steven’s mom wasn’t home so he asked his Papa can I shower with you? He said ok just don’t look up. Well Steven looked up and said WTH IS THAT? His dad said it’s a Snake. That night he asked his parents if he can sleep with them. They said ok Just don’t look under the covers. He grew bored then looked under and Screamed mom turn on the headlights There’s a snake in the bush.

Your mom is so ugly Biden likes her.

Sike, I lied, your mom is a guy!

Your mom is so hairy that King Kong got jealous of her.

What do youuuuuuuuuuu Oh f***, my mom is gonna kill me! My shit is stuck on the toilet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom once told me to spread positivity across the world, so I did.

I spread Covid across the globe because I tested positive :D

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

My favorite sex position is ‘WOW.’ It's where I flip your mom upside down.

Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?

Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.

Dad: She had to take the deep penis.

Son: Umm...... WHAT!?

Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.

Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.

Dad: Epi Pen.

Alfonso's mom is so fat that she stepped on the scale and the doctor said, "Oh shit, that's my phone number!"

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.

Me: You f&*k up.

The class: Oh sh!&

What's the difference between your mom and a laundromat washer?

The washer doesn't take loads for free.

What am I doing?

Your mom.