Mom jokes

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Me: "Cya"

Mom: "Where ya going?"

Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."

Mum: ...

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!

Your mom.

My mom told me to go to bed, but then I grabbed a drink and went in their room to say goodnight, and they looked like Adam and Eve on steroids!

Your mom is a spy <3, just like in bed.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.

Your mom's so fat, she doesn’t need internet, she’s already world wide.

Where's your mom?

In the bin.

We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

A little girl said to her mom, "Mom, my butt's cracked, kiss it, kiss it!" Her mom said, "Sweetie, shut up, it's always been there!" Then her daughter died 'cause of her melodramaticness.

When you tell your mom that she is bad at jokes, then she tells you, "Well, I made you!"

My mom once ate a full giant cheesecake, and we were walking to our flight back home, and she had to sh*t.

We were walking to the bathroom, and she full on [did it] in front of the carousel. She had a lump of poo in her pants... True story, haha!

My mom told me to be positive...

I was heading to an HIV test.

When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.

When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.

Me: Mom, can I have some makeup?

Mom: No. You are beautiful just the way you are.

Me: So that’s why you wear makeup?

Your mom and dad are never coming back because dad is cumming for another kid.