Mom jokes

Ur mom. (Idk, I'm bored.)

Family all eating at the table.

Brother: "Hmm, I think I feel gold."

Sister: "Stop the cap."

Brother looks under the table and says, "Nope, just a gold digger."

Dad laughed.

Stepmom storms out of the room.

Me: *watching TV*

Mom: Omg, no way, your dad is coming!

Me: Really?

Mom: Obviously not, he never loved or wanted you.

What's the difference between your mom and a troll?

Nothing, they both look the same.

Me: Mom, stop, you are not funny. You never make jokes.

Mom: I made you.

Jacob likes fucking me and my mom.

You have to be a good mom to be a MILF.

Your mom is so fat, that burger.

If mom saw you, she would die and be happy because of you being ugly.

Your mom is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl.

Ur mom was so fat that even Jon Brower Minnoch was ten times less fat.

Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.

Your mom's so fat, when she stands on the scale, it says, "To be continued..."

Your mom is so old that her birth certificate says "expired."

What are three things the Twin Towers have in common with my dad? They are big, sexy, and smashed your mom.

You know, the strangest things happen. My mom said, "Step on a crack, you break your mama's back, but if you step on a line, you break your father's spine." I stepped on the line. It didn't break his spine. Mom, who is my father?

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*

Me: "Cya"

Mom: "Where ya going?"

Me: "The orphanage to make yo mama jokes."

Mum: ...

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Dad: I heard an actor killed themselves with a knife. It was Reese something.

Mom: Witherspoon.

Dad: No, with a knife, you dummy!