Mom jokes
An orphan thinks he finally sees his mom, but then he realizes it's air.
Me: I hit an orphan!
Mom: OMG WHY?
Me: Not like they can tell their parents-
What did the triangle say to the circle? Ur mom.
There were 1 mom and 3 kids. The first kid comes up and asks, "Why is my name Daisy?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a daisy fell on your head." The second kid asks their mom, "Why is my name Butterfly?" The mom says, "Because when you were born a butterfly landed on your head." Then the third kid yells, "Ahjoejienfkef." The mom says, "Shut up, Brick!"
You know what’s traumatizing?
Your mom breastfeeding in front of you.
Help!
One time I was watching TV.
Mom: Omg, your dad is coming!
Me: Omg, really?
Mom: Sike, I lied.
A mom gave her son "the talk". Her son replies, "Wait, so there really isn't candy involved? Guess Grandpa lied."
1+1 answer 2 said all the kids, but 1 kid said 5. Then I said your mom feels embarrassed because everyday you look into the mirror, you see how empty your brain is.
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
What's the difference between your mom and your dad? One leaves your life to go get milk, and the other cleans up after you, feeds you, and does your laundry.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
1. Are you talking to me because I think you talked to my backside?
2. Your mom must taste good because it is always in your mouth.
3. My foot lasts longer than your life.
Why did the blind kid drop his ice cream? He got run over by his mom.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?
This is NOT my joke. I found it on Google. It's a texting joke.
Mom: Son, your grandma just passed away LOL.
Son: Mom, what do you mean LOL? That means laughing out loud.
Mom: Oh no, I thought that meant lots of love. I have to text everyone back!!!!
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Your mom, bro! XD Roasted! Lmfaoooooooooo!
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.