Mom

Mom jokes

Deep Throat

    • My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."

  • 0

    • Kid

    • Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

    But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

  • 1

    • Bag

    • My father told me to always carry a women's bag, but I don't know why he called the cops on me when I helped Mom's bag when we went parachuting. :(

    Woman

    • Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

    That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

  • 0
    • Mom memes

    Cow

    • A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."

  • 0

    • Nun

    • Mom, what happens if you swear at a church?

    Well, honey, a tee posing nun with glowing red eyes and nunchucks will beat you.

  • 1

    • Boy

    • A boy was terrible at writing sentences, so his teacher gave him an assignment to help with that. The boy was to go home, write five sentences, and return to school the next day.

    When he went home, he took a notepad and a pen and went to his dad for help. His dad was in a very important business call, so he angrily shouted at the child, "Shut up, you donkey!" The boy noted down that sentence. He next went to his mom, who assumed that he wanted to play video games, so she said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." That was his second sentence. For the third sentence, he went to his older brother, who was watching football where someone scored a goal, so he was jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!"

    For the fourth sentence, he went to his sister, who was singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" For the last sentence, he went to his grandmother, who was cleaning the toilet and singing, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

    He went to school the next day, and his teacher asked him to tell her the sentences. The boy said, "Shut up, you donkey!" The teacher got angry after hearing this and asked the boy, "Do you want me to slap you?" The boy said, "No, my dear, tomorrow." This made the teacher so angry that she slapped the boy. Immediately, he started jumping up and down yelling, "Goal! Goal!" The teacher dragged him to the principal's office, as she was fed up with him. The principal asked the boy what his name was, to which he replied by singing, "Spider-Man, Spider-Man!" She asked him where he lived, so he sang, "Under the toilet, under the toilet."

  • 8

    • Milk

    • Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"

    He waited for three hours to get an answer.

    His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."

    Orphan

    • Teacher: Everyone, tomorrow is bring your mom to school day.

    Me: Sorry but my mom's not gonna make it.

    Teacher: Why?

    Me: I'm an orphan, bitch.

    Name

    • Mommy, why is my name Brick???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a brick dropped on your head.

    Mommy, why is my name Rose???

    Mom: When you were a little baby, a rose petal dropped on your head.

    Brick walks in, "Blagudnunag."

    Dark Humor

    • Kid: "What's dark humor?"

    Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

    Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

    Mom: "Exactly."

  • 0