Mom jokes
Why did Mom cross the road?
To kill you!
Your mom is so poor, she buys used food.
Somebody’s son said, "Mom, my dick has white stuff coming out of it." She said, "Oh, good one, son, so when’s the baby coming?"
What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?
Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.
Me: Hey, Mom? Why do we celebrate birthdays?
Mom: Because that's the day a new life was born, and people are born every day so every day is a special day.
My thoughts: And my friend wonders why I have depression...
So relatable Tbh.
I punched my mom for no freaking reason.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.
Why did your emo mom get you?
To have someone to hang out with.
"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."
"Son, stay out of the drawer."
Trump's mom.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Fuck you you rwind my life.
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."
Ur mom.
Oh wait, you don't have one.
Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.
When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,
The present: Laundry.
*gunshot*
Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF
I sold my vacuum the other day.
All I got was dust and my mom's wig.