Mom jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
A son asked his mom: "Why are the lines in the LGBTQ community flag straight?"
Your mom! Oh wait, you don't have one.
It was 7:00 a.m. when Billy ran downstairs after a long night of sleep. He got to the kitchen where his mother and father sat. "What would you like for breakfast?" Billy's mom asked politely. Billy replied with, "Whatever Dad gave you last night in your bedroom would be great! You seemed to like it very much!"
Your mom's so heavy that it caused Atlas, the Titan, to slip a disc.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
Everyone says Kenny has an easy life.
I disagree. I hear his mom likes complicated sex positions.
What do you say to someone's mom?
"You mom gay."
Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”
You're so ugly your mom and dad abandoned you, and you went to the adoption center, and not even the adoption center would take you or let you in.
Where was your mom last night? In the man club?
Your hairline is so far back your mom can't cut it.
Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.
Son: Really?
Also 2 hours later:
Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.
Mom: Son, I-
Dad/Mom: Son, you're adopted.
Son: I know. *holds up daddy's phone that has the text of them talking about it.*
Dad: Babe, we need to talk.
Mom: Okay......
Dad: He's grounded.
Mom: You're right, you're grounded! Oh, and I'm dumping you.
Son: Am I getting a new daddy?
Mom: Soon honey, soon....
Dad: I really shouldn't have let her know I cheating.
Kid: Mom, do trees poop?
Mom: Yes. That is how we get #2 pencils.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
Yo mom's so old, she was happily accepted into the museum.
I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.
Cyber bully: Your mom giey.
Me: nO U
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.