Mom jokes

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

Why does your mom hate you?

Because you are a loser.

I told people your mom is also known as "MBD" because you're a mega baby dispenser.

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

Wanna hear a joke?

YOUR MOM!

OHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

Dad: Uh, yeah!

Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!

Parents: Sex!

Son: What?

Parents: Look, you can spectate!

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

Heyyy, in the last six months, [I had] 4 suicide attempts, broke up with 3 girls, and my mom went on drugs.

Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.

How do you get an orphan sad?

You say you will tell their mom that they have been a baaaaaad boy.

Me: Mom, we made a cake.

Bully: Guess what?

Me: What?

Bully: Nobody cares!

Me: Yeah, nobody cares about you!

Your mom is so ugly, you look like her. Oh, got 'em!

Why did the idiot post so many 9/11 jokes?

Answer: Because his mom is a whore!

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

The Son: "Because milk is important."

The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

The Boy: "Who?"

The Man: "Your mom?"

The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.