Mom jokes

Mom! Mom! The class called me an orphan.

My bully: Your face is ugly.

Me: Yeah well your mom is so fat she broke the stairway to heaven.

My bully: :(

Your mom is so ugly even Shrek ran away from her.

Your mom is so fat, it takes a year to turn around.

Why is your mom ugly, bozo?

I was hitting my hand, and my mom asked me what I was doing. I said I'm beating my meat.

Why does your mom hate you?

Because you are a loser.

What did the orphan's mom say to him when he got into trouble?

Nothing, because he doesn't know his parents...

Me: I know how to use a microwave!

Also me: Mom! The microwave is on fire!

What do you think of your mom? I can do it.

My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.

I was born on the moon.

Yeah, my mom was high, and my dad was down to earth.

So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.

The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

The Son: "Because milk is important."

The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

The Boy: "Who?"

The Man: "Your mom?"

The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.

Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.

Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.

Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.

I dicked your mom down so good, bitch!

Why are mountains so cold?? Your mom lol.

Mom, Mom, I'm holding my little brother's hand.

Little Johnny, good! But he's not "bien" yet.

What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?

Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...

Why were you born?

Because I asked out your mom on accident.