Mom jokes

My mom bought me a car, and she called me an ungrateful b*tch because I sat in my wheelchair the whole time.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

Teacher: Little Johnny, why are you late again?

Little Johnny: I had to be there for the birth of our first mixed cow, the white cow fell on the mud! (The teacher faints)

I used to look up to my mom, but now that I am 12, I look down on her.

Your mom is emo, Deacon.

Your mom went to the ocean, and the whales said, "We are family," even though you are fatter than me.

Your mom is so fat that she made the earth flat.

"If you yeet one thing that has been yoted, the yeet gods will help you" - Chris Tyson, MrBeast's friend, and your mom >:)

Where was your mom last night? In the man club?

So, when I'm about to take a shower, my mom says, "Take a shower." When I'm about to take out the trash, my mom says, "Take out the trash."

My dick's so big, I stuck it in your mom's loose hole.

Why does my brother have no mom?

Your mom is hot.

Your mom is so ugly that even Medusa turned to stone from looking at her!

Your mom is so overweight that she broke the stairway to heaven.

Your mom is so ugly, she made the devil go to church.

Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

"Mom, these balloons are hard to blow."

"Son, stay out of the drawer."