Mom jokes
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I asked the orphan kid if his mom is hot. He just started crying.
Your mom's so small that she hang glided on a Dorito!
Why did the idiot post so many 9/11 jokes?
Answer: Because his mom is a whore!
(True story) Today I was bringing some tortilla chips upstairs for some chips and dip, and I dropped them, so my mom goes “Oh, now they’re broken.”
And I took an opportunity to make a pun, so I said, “No, they’re just chipped.”
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.
Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.