Mom jokes
Q. Why did the boy fall off his bike?
A. His mom threw an oven at him.
Your mom and dad abandoned you because you're too ugly.
Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.
Mom, am I adopted?
What? No. "In head" No, dah, bitch.
Roses are red,
Potatoes are brown,
Your mom's so hot,
I put her down.
Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
I have no dad, no milk, and no mom, so that means no tits, like if you can relate.
My mom asks, "How did you do this?" Me: "Naw, I did it with a fork. WHAT D'YA THINK?-"
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Mom: Please eat, baby!
Baby: No!
Mom: Here comes the airplane!
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life.)
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
My mom said if I'm awake playing Roblox still, she said she was going to bang my head against the keyboard. hxhdhduhxbsfj.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!
What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?
My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.
Tell your mom happy last night. 🍆 in my bed.