Mom jokes

Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?

Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.

Mom: Can you hear them?

Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.

Mom: Why do you think that?

Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.

I'll call your mom a cow, but which one?

One day my kid with no arms came up to me and said, "Mom, what's dark humor?" I thought about it, then said, "Go wave to that blind person." He just looked at me, confused, but angry.

Why do orphans that go to their friend's house get this reaction from the friend's mom:

"Go back to your house, it's late." "Finn, wait, can I have your mom's phone number?" "Finn, wait, aren't you an orphan?" "Wait, don't you have a phone, Finn?" "Wait, I forgot, you don't have a phone because nobody wanted to get you a phone or to get you."

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

Your mum (mom) so fat, she wore a yellow T-shirt, they said "Taxi!"

Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

Your mom is so fat Buzz Lightyear had to say "To infinity to beyond" to leave her house.

Your mom is so fat Thanos had to snap twice.

Your mom is so fat the space shuttle can see her from 10,000 miles away.

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

Your mom does not need the internet. She's already worldwide.

Your hairline is so ugly it looks worse than your mom's.

Your earlobes are so big, you can fit your mom inside of them 5000 times and still have room for more!

My mom told me that Africans don't have food, so I shipped my fat-ass brother.

"There is no way you can fit in there."

"Says who?"

"Your mom."

"When?"

"Last night."

"OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-"

Your mom's so poor, she chased the garbage truck with her grocery list.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;