Mom jokes
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My mom has a toy that I see all the girls and guys seem to play with, and the toy is between my mom's legs.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
How do crabs honor their mom’s birthday? The shell-abrate.
What do you call a mom that can’t draw? Tracy.
What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web.
Why was it so hard for the pirate to call his mom? Because she left the phone off the hook!
My mom told me a joke about boxing.
I guess I missed the punch line.
Note to all moms of teens, keep a dog. That way, someone is excited to see you!
My mom was cooking dinner and asked me if I could get her a cutting board.
"No, I need you to take off your shirt and lay on the island so I can cut some chicken."
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
"I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older, and she laughed so hard she cried a little."
What do moms want for Mother's Day? Replacement silverware.
Nothing is lost until Mom can't find it.
It's sad when you sit around waiting for mom to make dinner, and then you realize you are the mom.
Being a mom to a teenager will make you understand why some animals eat their young.
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
Two boys are wandering in the woods, playing games.
Suddenly, they come across a naked lady, and one of the boys starts running. The other chases after him and asks: "Why did you start running?"
The boy replies with: "My mom said if I ever see a naked lady, then I would turn to stone. And I can already feel a part of me turning hard."
I asked my mom if I can help her out with the cooking, she answered yes.
A few hours later, dinner was ready and dad came to join. Mother said, "Honey, can you get the mashed potatoes?" Dad said, "Why, she’s right here."
Your so broke your mom can't afford your daddy.