A little boy and a little girl were taking a bath. The little girl looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car," said the little boy. The little boy looked down and said, "What's that?" "That's my little red sports car garage," said the little girl. A few seconds later the little girl said, "How about you put your little red sports car in my little red sports car garage?" "Sure," said the little boy. The little boy's mother was down stairs and heard this blood curdling scream. She ran upstairs. Once she got there she saw blood all over the bathtub. "What happened?!" she said. "Well, Johnny tried to put his little red sports car in my little red sports car garage...but it didn't fit...so I cut the back wheels off..."
My step bro thought I was single and tried to Take me but I said I'm take and guess what he did cried". Why wwhy would u do that
Heard the phrase 'one man's trash is another man's treasure'? Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out you're adopted.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
DUDE all Hitler ask for was a glass of juice, but every one misheard him.
my friend asks me what does idk mean i said i dion't knowm my friend says you mean i don't know i said thats what i said
Dear Gwen and Prince. Gwen and Prince sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest I really just wanted to be ur friends all both of u! Btw prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who aiden is! Sorry a milion times Zreina.
Guy: Hi, how was your day today. Woman: Good! Guy: *Well I can’t ask her out cause she’s pregnant* Guy: How many months pregnant are you? Woman: What to you mean?!?! Also I’m not pregnant.
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap
I tell a man get me a glock 19 he comes back with a glove i was about to shout at him but then i saw a pistol in his pocket so i left and thanked him
Person 1 " I love KFC" Person 2 "yeah, me too!" Person 1 " How many have you gotten?" Person 2 " How am I supposed too remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?" Person 1 " Chicken? What chicken, what do you think KFC stands for?" Person 2 "? Kentucky Fried Chicken?" Person 1 " What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children." Person 2 " BLOODY WHATT??"
A man walked into the kitchen and asked his blonde wife, what she was doing, she said, "I'm trying to do this jigsaw puzzle, it's supposed to be a tiger but all of the pieces are brown." Her husband then said, "honey those are frosted flakes."
Stephen Hawkins died because his wife misunderstood him when he said "My Windows Needs Updating" she had the double glazing removed and he fell out and died.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read “its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path.” People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor. Lol
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old
When the autistic kid brings a gun to school and thinks it’s a dart gun
Once there was a kid named Cale. But his classmates didn’t know it was spelled with a C so they asked him if he could be there snack
i gave the blind kid a gun and said it was a hair dryer
Jack: Hey Josh! Josh: What? Jack: Sex Josh: Huh? Jack: SEX!! Josh: I Don't Get It Jack: Exactly ;)
The Drunk and a priest
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
