Misunderstanding jokes

So, two people are on a date and the guy says, "Wow, you are so beautiful!"

Then the girl says, "You just want to have sex!"

Then the guy adds, "SMART TO!"

This is two heads.

Deaf. "Deep water." ""

- "78 years."

Are you interested again? ""

"If you go ... you are there."

"No. 85 is good."

What is the most important value? It does not take cheese.

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

Hey John, how are you going?

Helium, yeah good, what about you?

(Hey Liam)

Every time someone calls you a little different, car? Just say, "No, I'm not."

I meant because.

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo... is it counterINUITive?

The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.

Even though I look completely white, I am apparently 70% black!

Until I realized that it was a mouth swab test.

Alright, class, we have 39 students and 40 seats.

That one dyslexic kid thinking he’s Superman:

What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?

Ass Burgers.

Yo mama so dumb, she thought TikTok was an alarm setup.

I'm dyslexic. My sister was reading, "What's the book?" I asked. She showed me the cover. "You reading 'The Scared Bull'?" I asked. She started laughing. "No, 'The Sacred Bull'!"

My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

My AI assistant told me it wanted to go deeper...

...into the algorithm. I misunderstood. Now I’m banned from the lab.

You ever try sexting with AI? Every time I type “I’m coming,” it replies, “Coming where? Need directions?”

In Jr. high, we all had to do a report on euthanasia. I misunderstood and wrote a report on how I'd really like a Korean girlfriend.

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."