Misunderstanding Jokes

When you see an "Autistic child zone" sign and say "OH! That wasn't an dog."

I was at a bar the girl said sex, sex free sex tonight when she really said 663629

We split because she used always say I never listen, or something like that

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake but his subjects showed up at his castle with a christian instead. And he said: NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

I am in trouble my mum ask me to get six cans of sprit

But I got seven ups

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a Rectal Thermometer and thought

Some Asshole has my Pen

Once my girlfriend asked me to give her lipstick and I accidentally gave her the glue stick. She won't talk to me any more.

My girlfriend left a note on the TV saying "This isn't working". I don't know what she's talking about, the TV works perfectly fine

My girlfriend said i was a ped0phi1e

That's a big word for a 6 year old

A man runs into a church and shouts are there any dawarf nuns in the monsistary,the pope said no causing the man to say to his friend I told you you fucked a penguin

My crush said that she would rather die than have sex with me...it turns out that she was lying.

I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick. She still isn't talking to me.

Moxxie: ThEy CaLlEd Me A pOsSuM!! i'M nOt A pOsSuM!!

A man is with his friend in a bar.

The friend, out of the blue asks, "Hey, what's your body count?"

Nervous, the man looks away.

The friend then says, "I'm talking about sex."

The man then turns back and mumbles, "Oh.. I thought you saw inside the basement.."

"Wait, wha.."

"What?"

I was watching my boyfriends dog while he took a shower. I started playing fetch with the him when the ball went over the balcony. He went to get it and fell 10 stories. When i looked down, he appeared to be dead. My boyfriend loved his dog and I didn't know what to do ,so feeling awful, I sat on the couch and waiting for him to come back. About three minutes later he got out of the shower. He ordered some food and went to the table to eat when I said ,”you know , your dogs been a little depressed lately...”

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police. She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?” The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?” The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

i didnt mean to call a afghanistan Hotline, i told them i was Depressed then they asked if i know how to drive a truck idk how that has anything to do with it

When you get suspended from school For giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday

You go up to a bar and say hi he doesn’t look at you you keep saying hi he says what then you realize that he is the one that u stole his lady from but then he doesn’t give you any drink you say why he screams at you and then says YOUR FIVE