Miscellaneous jokes
FDdtsgshjdjxhhsjdfj
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Friend: Do you know him?
Other Friend: Know who?
Friend: My dick!
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
There was a dino at the library today.
It was reading a thesaurus.
Apex Legends: exists.
Titanfall fandom: (Literally on fire and at war with itself) "Everything is fine."
My mom said that I don't listen to homophones, but then I said, "No, I listen to headphones."
What is you you?
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
You suck.
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.
Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?
It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.
What did Saskia say to Brandon?
Saskia: "Can you rape me like you did Sydney?"
Famous last words.
Twin towers: “Is it a bird, is it Superman? AAAAAHHHHHH SHHHHHIIIIIIIIIZZ!”
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Because of gravity.