Miscellaneous jokes
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
Three cowboys are at a fire talking about the best things they have done.
Cowboy 1 says, "I have taken out a whole group of raiders with my bare hands."
Cowboy 2 says, "I have killed a herd of bulls with my thumb."
Cowboy 3 chuckles as he mixes the fire with his dick.
Who do you call someone that steals his brother's girlfriend and [is] disowned by his whole family? Brandon.
Why did the cow smell?
'Cause the horse gave it a pat on the back.
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
A doctor fell into a well and broke his collarbone.
The doctor should attend the sick and leave the well alone!
So many of these jokes are unoriginal, and you guys need to step up your game.
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
What is it called when a gay guy punches someone?
Fruit punch.
Lettuce ketchup.
How does a butcher keep his tent up in the wind? Steaks.
Our family is known for unusually sloppy diarrhea.
It runs in our jeans.
What does a skeleton tile his roof with?
Shin-gles!
My favorite instrument? The TromBONE, of course.
Iron Man dies.
Whoever is deleting my messages, comment and say why!
Daughter: Where was I born?
Dad: Alabama.
Daughter: That is nice.
Mum: We have never been to Alabama.
Dad: RUN!