Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”
The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
What did the lampshade say to the light bulb?
You brighten my day.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it, and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Me.
The joke is as short as me.
Why did the chicken cross the plane to get to the other skyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy lloooooooooooooooooooool?