Miscellaneous jokes
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street, and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, "Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?"
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?
A: Because he couldn't see that well.
you.
What kinds of apples grow on trees?
All of them.
My dad.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
Wanna hear a joke?
Me.
Your birth certificate is an apology from the condom factory.
What did one traffic light say to the other?
"Stop looking, I am changing."
What happens when you have a kid with Tourette's and a hair trigger?
The Las Vegas shooting.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are... But I laugh more.
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
So you get a new job, and here's something about this guy named Mike.
The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY *clap clap clap clap*."
Opponent fist attacks your face, no you can not activate a trap card.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
Beans, beans, beans. Say what? Say beans, beans, beans.
What's brown and sticky?
What did you think! A stick......