Miscellaneous jokes
Your mom is so fat, she fell down the Grand Canyon and got stuck!
Hellllllllloooooo
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
Pizzaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!
How do we know the Ancient Egyptians were into organized crime?
They were always using pyramid schemes!
Your mama is so stupid, when her phone died, she bared it, lol.
Have you read "50 Yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit and Probly Not?
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Have you ever heard of the eye tear?
Me either.
Why can't Stephen Hawking go metal detecting?
Because when it beeps, it's him!
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
Ha, gay!
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
Kill yourself, hoes!
Penis.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.