Miscellaneous jokes
Hey! Some idiot drew a cat on this pillar! Wait... does that make it a caterpillar?
Hellllllllloooooo
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.
My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^
Pontypool is rough.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
Why did the cat cross the road?
To die.
My life, haha, so funny!
Fuck nugget!
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Ha, gay!
A man takes his dog out and steps in shit. He exclaims "WHAT THE DEUCE!"
One word. Creeper.
What do you call a black man on the moon?
An astronaut.
Kill yourself, hoes!
Penis.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
What's the difference between a square peg in a round hole and a kilo of lard?
One's a good lot of fat; the other's a fat lot of good.
How many times does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Tentacles!
Q: What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
A: A pool table.