Miscellaneous Jokes

What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

Science flew us to the moon.

Religion flew us into two skyscrapers.

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

Me.

My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile.

What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

A pool table.

Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

What is always moving but we never see it walk?

Time! Hahahaha!

John took a bath with bubbles.

Bubbles was a man.

Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?

She had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Sally.

There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.