Miscellaneous

Miscellaneous jokes

Woman

What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.

Skin

Random person: Imma smack you so hard your skin pigment changes!

Me: Who the hell do you think you are? Michael Jackson’s dad?

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  • Sister

    My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.

    She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.

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  • Table

    What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would kill you?

    A pool table.

    Boy

    Why did the little boy fall off the swing? Because he had no arms or legs.

    What did the little boy get for Christmas? Cancer.

    Why did the little boy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus.

    Knock knock.....Who’s there... Not the little boy.

    Time

    What is always moving but we never see it walk?

    Time! Hahahaha!

    Swing

    Sally fell off the swing. How did she fall off?

    She had no arms.

    Knock knock.

    Who's there?

    Not Sally.

    Penguin

    There was a penguin breathing with his ass. One day, he sat down and he died.

    Mom

    Your mom's just like a penny. Practically worthless, and in everyone's pants.

    Hooker

    What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?

    A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.

    Death

    Stephen Hawking died because his wife misunderstood him when he said, "My Windows Needs Updating." She had the double glazing removed, and he fell out and died.

    Blonde

    Three blondes were walking on a path. The first blonde said, “Hey, look, there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way, those are totally duck tracks.” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh, those are...” Then they got hit by a train.

    Animal

    What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?

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  • World

    Why did half of the world go to hell?

    Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.

    (You've been warned!)

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