Miscellaneous jokes
I am really gay. I just needed to confess this.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
What did the skeleton say before dinner? "Bone appetit." His whole family found that humerus.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
What's the difference between a bird and a fly?
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!
Why did the scarecrow get promoted?
He was outstanding in his field!
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
Why was your mom so into me?
'Cause she was the man.
I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn't like it if we don't work on math in his class. So, I did science homework on top of a math book.
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone-appetit!
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There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.
Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."
What do you call a skeleton who went out in the snow? A numb skull!
Astronomers got tired of watching the moon rotate around the earth for 24 hours, so they just called it a "day".
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
Why did the Duck go to rehab?
Because he was a Quackhead.
Jacob has a small penis.
Evan, mom hot?