Miscellaneous jokes
Why did half of the world go to hell?
Because they were laughing at morbid jokes.
(You've been warned!)
Manchester City is gay.
What do you get when you cross an eagle with a lion?
A griffin.
Do you want to go to the pool?
Yes? Well, water you waiting for?
What did the man say to his wife? "Make me a damn sandwich, woman!"
My life.
I like fire trucks and monster trucks.
Why are you censoring my friend Franz? He's just making jokes, but you admins get offended too easily, f*cktards!
Why did the out of shape cow quit her job?
She got tired of jumping over the moon.
What's worse than funny condom fails?
Jake Paul.
How do you make a blond snowman? You can't, you have to hollow out the head.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
You heard a conversation between Sans and Papyrus:
Sans: "Sub bro."
Papyrus: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZLES!"
Sans: "Easy bro, I have done a ton of work today."
Sans: "A skele-ton."
(Drum effect)
Papyrus: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
How do you make a dead baby float?
Two scoops of ice cream, one scoop of dead baby!
What do Indian hip hop artists eat?
Rice rice baby.
Why can't dinosaurs clap?
'Cause they're dead.
What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon?
One is fun to hit with a sledge hammer, and the other is just a watermelon.
What is the butt’s favorite computer?
The Tushiba.
What do you call a Mexican without a car?
Carlos.
A pirate walked into a pub with a ship wheel attached to his balls. The bartender says, "What the hell is that?"
The pirate said, "I don't know but it's driving me nuts!"