Miscellaneous jokes
I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
2+2=4-1=3 quick math.
My friends.
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
What do you call a load of retards in a swimming pool?
Vegetable soup.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? A hooker can wash her crack and resell it.
What's red and bad for your teeth?
A brick.
What did the grape say when he got squished? Nothing, he just let out a little wine.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house?
Of course it can, a house can't jump.
Why are there so many jokes about Chuck Norris, but not about Bruce Lee? Bruce Lee was no joking matter.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.
TDS? More like STDs.
I'm American, and I'm sick of people saying America is "the stupidest country in the world." Personally, I think Europe is the stupidest country in the world.
Why did the blind man fall down the well?
He couldn't see that well.
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
Why was Goofy in the bathroom?
He was goofing off!
My friend asked me how fast my humor was, and I said it jumps borders. Then he asked how dark my humor is, and I said it picks cotton.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Daisy. Daisy who? Daisy me rollin', they hatin'!