Miscellaneous jokes

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Friend: Do you know him?

Other Friend: Know who?

Friend: My dick!

Why did the bike fall over?

It was too tired.

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

I'm gay.

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn't f***ing matter, it's still not f***ing coming.

What do you call mo on a dating website? Tissue face.

Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?

A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.

I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.

I keep getting ads about belly fat.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

Hi.

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What do you call a dick playing badminton?

A shuttlecock.

I went to a muffler party... it was exhausting!

How does Jesus make tea? Hebrews it.

She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I'm half Black.

I would tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I can only think of the punchline.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

So, the sea is on a computer but doesn't know how to search, so the computer said to the sea, "Search!"

Do you get it? SEArch.

"Spell ICUP."