Miscellaneous jokes
Kevin Woody (look him up)
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Chuck: Do you have holes in your underpants?
Teacher: No, of course not.
Chuck: Then how do you get your feet through?
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
TDS? More like STDs.
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
My family.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.