Miscellaneous jokes

Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener.

My roommate's diary says I have boundary issues.

What does a skeleton order at a restaurant?

Spareribs!

What? A telephone? Nah, I'm using a telebone.

Voldemort: Knock, knock.

Harry Potter: Who's there?

Voldemort: You know.

Harry Potter: You know who?

Voldemort: Exactly!

I once did an exam on rainbows. I passed with flying colors.

What's the difference between a bird and a fly?

A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird!

Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?

Donald Trump.

Velcro is such a rip-off.

Why did the Duck go to rehab?

Because he was a Quackhead.

What do you call a bunch of Mexicans running down a hill?

Taco Bell going out of business.

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

What do you call a midget that waves? A microwave.

Why can't you tell a joke in a corn maze?

Because there's too many ears.

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom I like your mama's big butt, and I cannot lie. You other brothers can’t deny that she’s fly. We make sexy time, yes and every night I tap that. She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I’m half black. But your moms the best, the super M.I.L.F. Cause she loves to toss the salad even though she ain’t a chef And I blame it on the al-al-al-cohol But if I were you, I wouldn’t kiss your mom on the mouth at all. She likes the Donkey-Punch. She likes the Dirty Sanchez. Sometimes she even likes to fool around in your bed. She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna. She’s so therapeutic. When I need to cure my restlessness I br-br-br-br-br-br-br-br motorboat your moms breastestess. I didn’t wanna tell you, but I had to write this song Cause I’m in your house every night doin' your mo-om.

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom

I’m havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you. I’m havin' sex with your mother That makes me better than you.

Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom Doin', doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom You know we straight with doin' your mom

What's the difference between jam and jelly?

You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.

Cremation: Your last chance for a smoking hot body.

What do you call an animal with 3 eyes, 2 mouths, 6 noses, and 4 ears?

What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?

When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.