Miscellaneous jokes
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
What is Forrest Gump's email password?
1forrest1
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
TDS? More like STDs.
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
My family.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
"Orla Doyle is fit."
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
I wish my lawn was emo, so I would not have to cut it, it would cut itself.
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Why does Snoop Dogg use an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle.