Miscellaneous jokes
Son: Hey dad, why is my name Canada?
Dad: Because you were made there.
Mum: We haven't been to Canada.
Dad: Hol' up a minute.
Your mom is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.
Guy: Robin
Bank owner: Your last name?
Guy: Debank
Bank owner: Robin Debank?
Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!
Did you hear about the boy who sat under a cow?
He got a pat on the head.
Velcro is such a rip-off.
Me: No one likes Shrek; he is just a fat green guy.
Friend: Hey! Stop talking about me.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
TDS? More like STDs.
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.
Me.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
My life.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Your mom.
Your mom who?
O shit, my mom's home! Honey, get the f*** out of my house!
Why did the stoner cross the road?
He got so wasted, he thought he was a chicken.
What concert costs 45 cents? -- 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
What has 2 legs, 2 arms, and an abusive father?
Aaron.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.