Miscellaneous jokes
Two TV antennas got married. The church ceremony was terrible, but the reception was fantastic!
My family.
"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"
Why does Waldo wear stripes?
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Me: Hey Joe, updog.
Joe: What?
Me: Updog.
Joe: What's updog?
*Facepalms*
Me: Lol in the corner.
"Orla Doyle is fit."
TDS - Too Damn Slow!
TDS? More like STDs.
Hey Autocorrect- STOP TAMPERING WITH MY CURSE WORDS YOU MOTHERDUCKING FORKLIFT!
Nobody:
Me: "Nobody:" "Me:"
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
Why did Miss Stephen get divorced? She didn't float, too.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Wanna hear a construction joke?
Nah, I'm still working on it.
What type of comedy can't Steven Hawking do?
Stand-up comedy.
What do you call an angry shopper?
A cuss-tomer.
Roses are red, I like weed,
If you say yes then I'll do a "good deed."
I like my women how I like my coffee... HOT.