New Mental Health Jokes - Page 35

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

What do you call a depressed emo? Dead.

Why did Greg go mad? Because Stephen stalked him.

What do you call a gay person in Antarctica?

Bi-Polar.

What do you call a high school student?

Alone and depressed.

My dad told me I'm a failure.

I failed a math test.

Good thing there's a pole outside my house.

Teacher: "People with depression never get anywhere in life."

Student 1: "My mom has depression, but she died."

Student 2: "My sister has depression and she's going to therapy."

Student 3: "My dad has depression, and he's doing REALLY well."

What does PEMDAS stand for?

Please End My Depression And Suffering.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

What do suicidal people do in their spare time?

Hang out.

Suicidal people are groundbreaking.

To all of you who can't understand using jokes as a coping mechanism... you know what I will ask of you :)

Q: Give a man a day of therapy, he'll be sad for then and on.

A: Give a man a noose, he'll be sad for the rest of his life.

Not all self-harmers are emo, but all emos self-harm.

Roses are red.

Violets are blue.

I have schizophrenia,

And so do I.

If I were an object in this world, I'd be a glass! Because if you leave me when I'm too close to the edge, I will likely shatter and break.

If I was a pizza topping, I would be pineapple! Because everybody doubts me.

I'm a star! Because one of these days, I'm going to crash and burn...

If I could choose what creature I come back as after I die, I'd be a panda, because people would give a shit if I went extinct.

I'm like the sun; I'm painful to look at.

If I was a food, I would be chopped liver because nobody likes me.

I'm like an eggshell... broken and empty.

If I was a mythical creature, I'd be a unicorn! Because nobody believes in me.

I'm like a flashlight with old batteries inside because my inner light died a long time ago.

My soul is a raisin because it's dried up, shriveled, and not everyone likes it.

I'm like the moon because you only get to see one side of me.

I'm like the moon because as the month progresses, my life becomes covered more and more by darkness.

I'm like an extremely powerful fan! Because I push everyone away.

I'm like a disposable camera! People use me once and then just throw me away.

I'm like a shitty book cover... because people think they have the right to judge and label me before they read my pages.

My brain and body is essentially a really old married couple that can't afford to go through with the divorce, and now they are stuck in a toxic relationship they are desperate to escape, but the more they try, the more they sink into the quicksand that is my depression and anxiety.

Help me....