Mental Health jokes
Me: Knock knock.
Friend: Who's there?
Me: I don't know anymore.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: Seeing others happy.
Doctor: Ok, so what makes you happy?
Me: Seeing stupid people in misery or agony.
Doctor: Well, that's rather sadistic.
Me: Well, statistically one in two doctors have fingered a child...
Doctor: Do you want your prescription or shall I book you an endoscopy?
Me: There's nothing hidden inside me, I'm empty "smug face".
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I cannot moderate myself at all. It's either I don't take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions, decisions...
I have OCD and ADD, so everything has to be perfect... but not for very long.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
1273. Depression got the best of me. I'm gonna cry in my room now.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
Your momma's so depressed, she shot herself in the head hoping she'd die.
Why are we depressed? Is it because of that bully in your school, or because you have acne? How about when you listen to your sad song playlist? Maybe it's because you have no friends? Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake? T^T
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
Being sad is my only happiness.
I don't have much motivation for things, that's why I haven't yet killed myself, hehe.
When you realize you have depression, and depression realizes how stupid you were.
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"