Men jokes

Three men die at the same time and go to Heaven. St. Peter says to them, "It's going to be a long journey to heaven, so I will give you a good vehicle depending on how much you've cheated on your wives."

"We'll start with you, Michael. Since you were quite the womanizer and cheated on your wife multiple times, you will be getting a Toyota." The man, embarrassed, left in the Toyota.

"Nolan, you were better; you cheated on your wife twice, so I will give you a Mercedes. Now, as for you, Mark, you never cheated on your wife; you are an absolute saint, so I will be giving you a Lamborghini."

The man in the Toyota saw the man with the Lamborghini the next day crying like a child on his car, and he asked the man in the Lamborghini, "What the hell is going on?"

The man in the Lamborghini says, "I just saw my wife riding through the streets of Heaven on roller skates!"

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Why do men like big tits and a flat ass?

Because they got little dicks and big mouths.

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

I like my men like I like my coffee: black and hot.

I recently learned that churches won’t let trans men become priests because they don’t consider trans men as men, which is rather confusing to me.

As a Jew, I don’t know very much about Christianity, but from what I’ve heard, don’t priests love little boys?

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

These are the reasons the West will fall. Also, men's rights are f***ing stupid if men keep voting for rich whites!

There is a room of men: Jamal, David, and Afzul. "Jamal is black," "David is white," and "Afzul is a Pakistani." Who set off the bomb?

Afzul, it's clearly him cause he's a Pakistani...

Three gay men enter a bar in Iran. They don't come out.

Why do women get periods?

Just cancel the subscription.

What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?

A doppelgangbang.

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.

Girls: 🙏 *Period* ✍️💅

Men: 🗿 *Growth* 🗿🗿🗿

Why is it that skinny men love fat women?

Because we need warmth in the winter and shade in the summer.

What's the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.

Women be like, "Don't body shame," then goes to body shame men's heights.

Women be like men cause wars, [but] forget men fight those wars while they fake cry.