A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Doctor: You're as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That's great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? The cabinet had sleeping pills.
I have an EpiPen
Friend gave it to me when he was as dying
It seemed really important to him that I have it
Two men are in a rainforest and one of them is peeing. Suddenly a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “ Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!”. He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out. The man wen back to the other man and said, “ There is no hope, you will die.”
The greatest Doctor, smartest man, young geek, and inspiring preacher are on a plane. The pilot dies of a heart attack, and is confirmed by the doctor. But, there are only 3 parachutes on the plane. The doctor takes one and says,
"People need me for my excellent medicine!" and jumps out. The smart man grab one and shouts,
"People are in need of my great knowledge!" and jumps out. There is only one more parachute on the plane. The preacher says to the geek,
"You are to young. Take the final parachute and go." The geek instead says,
"No, there are two parachutes left, the 'smart' one took my backpack."
A man went to the doctors and the doctor said “what happened to you?” The man replied and said “I broke my arm in two places!” Then the doctor replied with “DON’T GO BACK TO THOSE TWO PLACES!!”
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen? a chill pill.
The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
If you overdose on Viagra, do you die... hard?
A man gets an email from his doctor
"Sorry for the delay on getting your prescription, it'll be at your house tommarrow"
The man thinks to himself "oh shit! Then what have I been taking?"
knock knock
who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy
GO AWAY!
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies "Nine"
My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.
So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital, apparently the doctor said to the nurse you can discharge Mr Hawking now, so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants
Why do pills work? Because they r white
Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
