Medicine jokes
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
A seizure is just an excuse for break dancing.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't "peeling" well!
If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?
A: See you on the flip side.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
If your butt hurts real bad, put some vapor rub and booty cream on it so it can heal back to normal.
A patient visiting his doctor asked him if he had ever laughed at a patient.
The doctor said, "I have never in 25 years of practice ever laughed at a patient."
Reassured, the patient drops his trousers and underpants.
Immediately the doctor burst out into loud raucous laughter when he sees that the patient has a penis the size of a cocktail sausage.
After about 10 minutes the doctor manages to get himself under control.
Swiftly apologising he says to the patient, "Sorry about that. How can I help you?"
The patient says, "Have you got any cream for it? It's swollen."
If Stephen Hawking gets a heart attack, where do you go, the hospital or Curry's PC World?
Cancer, it's just funny, hahaha.
You know I want an ADHD cure.
When?
Squirrel!
What do kids with cancer and cancer jokes have in common?
CANCER!
Just kidding, they are both fun to laugh at.
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
A blonde walks into the doctor's office. She tells the doctor, "My boyfriend has dandruff."
The doctor tells her to use Head and Shoulders. She leaves. About an hour later, the doctor's phone rings. He answers, it's the blonde. The doctor asks how he can help her. "Well doctor, I understand head, but how do you 'hove' shoulders?"
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!