Wow, all these jokes are humerus!
Medicine Jokes
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
How can you tell an anti-vaccine kid?
It's only got 10 hours to live.
What game hurts you the more stages you survive?
Cancer.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.
What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital?
... A FLATLINE!
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.
What job lets you kill the most people?
An abortion doctor.
Have you heard about the movie about constipation?
Me neither, it hasn't come out yet.
Why did the pony have to gargle? Maybe because he was feeling a little hoarse.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
What do you call an epileptic in a swimming pool? A dishwasher.
I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.
Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.
AIDS?
What's harder than taking a shit?
Trying to take a shit while constipated!
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
I'm a family doctor and I wish I could help but... you're an orphan.
