ME jokes

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Huh what you say?

Come fight me, suck a dick.

I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."

Me: You know your parents were very good people.

Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.

Me: I know, you're an orphan.

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?

Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

"Does this make any cents?" a man says.

"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.

What's long, hard, and full of semen?

Answer: Me.

When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."

What's the difference between me and you?

Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-

Me: Can I have your chair? 💺 You: Why? Me: For charity.

Roses are red, I'm off the grid,

John Cena accidentally says "you can't see me" to a blind kid.

Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?

Brother: Sure.

Me: Turn off the light.

Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?

Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.

Me: Oh, okay.

Goes to school.

Teacher: How were humans made?

Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.

Teacher: 😑

"Lune, it’s me."

If being sexy was a crime, you can call me......... a law-abiding citizen.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.