ME jokes

You know how girls say, "I would have sex with you if you were the last person on earth"? Well, who's gonna stop me?

"Prince, please help me. This faker is driving me crazy!"

"Prince, do you love the faker, Princess, or me, the real Gwen?"

Prince, are you really gay, because I love you with all my heart and pray for you all the time!

PLEASE CHOOSE ME INSTEAD! :(

My sister said download "Among Us" on my iPad, so I did. Then she taught me to play. Then she told me a code and told me where to put it, and I typed in the code.

Then she was the imposter, and I was a crewmate, so I was sticking with her, and she killed me when we made it to the medbay.

Bitch: Nice eyebrows.

Me: Yeah, where's yours, motherfucker?

Bitch: (Realizing she shaved them off cause she thought it would look cool)

They call me Elsa cause I’m too icy! 🥶❄️

Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.

Hi, how are you? I was busy doing something right. I just texted because me and my dad were going to.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Me say, "Crack my finger."

My hubby crack my finger.

Now say it backwards.

"When God sends me to hell... I want him to hesitate." -Techno

1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.

Thank you, anonymous user, for helping me with math a few months ago.

Now I got a 31 on the ACT.

Are you a razor? 'Cause you make me red.

You know why they call me 007?

0 girls.

0 chances.

7 restraining orders.

I went up to the deaf kid and said, "I’m going to punch you in 3, 2, 1." And he ended up with a broken nose, and I said, "You should have listened to me!"

You hear that? That’s the sound of me not caring.

I have a lot of money, but I don't waste it.

So people call me poor until they see my bank account.