ME jokes
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.
Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?
If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
Ask me who Joe is.
Who is Joe?
JOE MAMA!
A meme
My friend: Yo stupid.
Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?
My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*
Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.
Hey Gwen, reply to me and say if everything is alright.
Me: What's that sound?
Ex: What?
Me: Oh, it's the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!
*Chatting with a stranger on the internet*
Me: Hi, how are you?
A stranger: I'm fine, hbu?
Me: I'm good. 🤷♂️
If anyone can see Alya KUHL please tell me! I love and miss her...
What did the parents say to the orphans?
"YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
Me: Hey, do you live in the ocean?
Random guy: Why?
Me: Because you look like a whale.
What did the helicopter say to the mountain?
Kobe!!!
Just send me to hell already.
I like my wife like I like my coffee: so sweet, it gives me headaches.
My dad tells me and my sister to stop arguing, so she elbowed me in my damn nose.
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.
AKA you're for sale.
Never talk about 9/11 to me. I lost my dad in it.
He was a great pilot ;(
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.