ME jokes

Have you ever heard of the eye tear?

Me either.

My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.

Why is 69 annoying me? Oh, it's a tease.

Me: Knock knock.

Some dude on the street: Who's there?

Me: Whowhowho.

Dude: Whowhowho who?

Whowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowhowho.

"You gave me the same sweater as last year."

"You s w e a t e r believe it."

Rob, you forgot to pay me for letting you sucky sucky on my thang.

AKA you're for sale.

I saw a man today wearing a t-shirt that said "I'm with stupid."

I told him, "You know, that's not very nice."

He looked at me and said, "I'm with stupid, too."

Man: Could you hold this for me?

Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*

Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!

My teacher told me to have a good day. SOOOOOOOOOO I went home :)

Hey dad, I'm hungry!

Hi hungry, I'm dad. Why did you name me this way, why why why?

I'm a teacher at a high school, but I got fired. They told me I didn't do any work even though I always did a skele-ton.

Enemy: You know, I saw you walking down the street, and at first glance, I thought you were a fat and ugly bitch.

Me: Strange... Who puts a mirror in the middle of the street?

Ask me who Joe is.

Who is Joe?

JOE MAMA!

My friend: Yo stupid.

Me: Is that right, and what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?

My friend: *rolls eyes and says whatever.*

Me: Keep on rolling them, you might find your brain in there.

If you had a friend like me, would you kill me?

I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"

Yesterday, I was on a reality TV show where they locked me up with all those smelly monkeys from the Leger Zoo. It was complete madness.

The old cookoo master on the top of Mt. Qinshan told me this when I was eating sushi:

"The first bite tastes like heaven, the second takes you there."

😳

When an African has a twin, your me??

Me: Hey, are you going to Sawcon?

Sensei: What is that?

Me: Saw con deez nu...

Sensei: Oh, is it for people with ligma?

Me: What’s ligm...

Sensei: 😈

Me: no no no no

Sensei: Ligma ba...