ME jokes
What did the cholo say when the house fell on him?
"Get off me, homes!"
What is an orphan's family reunion called?
Me time.
My teacher: If you could go anywhere, where would you go?
Me: Demon Slayer.
My teacher: Why?
The quiet kid: TO GET EATEN BY A DEMON OR BECOME ONE!!!
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.
My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.
Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.
When me and my friend went to the market, my friend tried to scan my arm, and I asked her what she was doing. She answered, "Oh, I had to buy you so I don't steal you."
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. My grandpa didn’t even survive one.
I wonder why the baseball was getting larger and larger, then it hit me.
I parked in a disabled space today...
...and a traffic warden shouted to me, “Oi, what's your disability?” I said “Tourettes! Now fuck off!”
My Wife: How much do you love me??
Me: Count all the stars.
My Wife: Aww, infinity.
Me: No, a waste of time.
The joke above me sucks.
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Can I watch you?
Yes, you can watch me your watch.
No, I mean can I WATCH you?
I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.
OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
My cousin: Brother, I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile; however, I left it as it is].
Me: So tell me about it then.
My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi.
Me: Somebody? Don’t they have, like, the name of you opponents?
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I.
Me: Ok, my bad. Continue.
My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi, and 5 seconds later, I got kill[ed] by Sum_Fing_Wong.
Me: It’s not wrong! In Call of Duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed.
My cousin: No, no, no, the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G.
Me: My bad again. Do continue.
My cousin: I got so angry I blow[ed] up.
Me: So you got blowed up, by what weapon?
My cousin: By the game.
Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
Would you rather date me or a lady?
I laid deez nuts in your mouth.
Me and my wife were out at dinner. Me being 48 and her being 19, people were screaming at us and calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Me: You know what's the favorite slogan that Hindus like the most?
My friend: What?
Me: “kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.”