ME jokes
What did the shoe tell the feet?
"Put me on your feet!"
A man came up to me and threatened me with his milk, cheese, and butter... how dairy!
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
One time I was with my uncle. He said to me to pass him the marble on the floor. All I heard was my butt clapping with his sausage.
Why do they call it Ovaltine?
The jar is round, the mug is round, they should call it Roundtine.
Your mom is so old, she walked into an antique store and they kept her.
Your mom is so dumb, she called me asking for my phone #.
Me and a girl went on a walk...
Then she noticed me, then we went for a run. :)
Me: I wouldn’t want to be with a shitmate.
Shitmate: You’re so shitable.
Me: Bring banana ice cream.
Shitmate: Never happening.
"Knock, knock."
"Who's there?"
"Mary."
"Mary who?"
"Marry me!"
My country is so corrupt that it voted me as the most sexiest man.
Victory assured, I will continue like that till I'm six feet under.
I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
I play with balls. Not me, the girl that was "playing something."
I'm bored so can y'all ask me some questions and I have to answer them?
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭
Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵
Have you seen my uncle?
Jesus: I have.
God: Me too.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
"Talking Ben killed me. JK, it was talking me."
Cousin: Hahaha, I am their biological parent.
Kid: So what? At least they love me more.