ME jokes

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

I love you, you love me.

Me: Knock, knock.

Teacher: Who is there?

Me: Boo.

Teacher: Boo who?

Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!

Teacher: ......

Me: Aw man, detention again.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

The Flanders Song

God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."

Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.

Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."

"Leave me alone!"

My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.

We say “Father, I have sinned,” because it would be weird if we said, “Daddy, I have sinned,” right?

“Forgive me, Daddy, for my transgressions!” We say the “Our Father,” not the “Our Daddy.”

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked, "Where are you from?" and I said Portugal. He replied, "So you are a fellow countryman of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out!!" Tears ran down my face. Shame on you, Penaldo, for costing me my dream job!

What’s the difference between me and grass? Grass doesn’t cut itself.

Friend: Did Jesus die a virgin?

Me: Of course not, he got nailed before he died.

Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?

My girlfriend broke up with me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back!

Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

Me.

You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!

Hi, I'm Depraashin.

Hi, I'm rope. May I hang with you guys?