ME jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Don't cry in front of me, or else I'll cry!"
"Prince, please talk to me!"
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.
So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!
I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?
What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?
The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"
Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"
Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.
This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
Man: Hey Siri!
Siri: Yes?
Man: I'm desperate, will you marry me?
Siri: Uh...
*phone literally explodes*
Everyone tells me I need to stop making prostitute jokes.
I guess they're whore-ible.
Would it be wrong of me to yell “Jenga!” or “Timber!” while my class is watching a 9/11 documentary?
The doctor told me I'm color blind...
Me: That's out of the purple!
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
Hey, y'all, I just wanna say thanks to Gwen on here. She writes jokes, and she got me through a lot xx.
What do Asians and John Cena have in common? You can't see me!
Me: What are you?
Jake: A muddeasso.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Me testing if there is fall damage in real life (falls off of a cliff, uses water bucket trick) dies.
My mom told me that drugs are my enemies... But Jesus said to love my enemies.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."