ME jokes

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.

Don’t bother me none, babe!

Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!

“Hol up”

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Why do orphans play Roblox? Because there is a game called "Adopt Me!"

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

Me: Let's go to Randy's.

Friend: There's no Randy's.

Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

Me: Do you know a funny joke?

Friend: Yes, you.

"Knock knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Depression"

"Depression wh-"

ME!! *runs away*

My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

*Everyone Looks at me*

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

Hi, I am back! Tell me what's happening?

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

I was listening to WAP in my car with my four-year-old cousin, and she asked why they don't fix the holes in the house.

Then my fucking boyfriend, what a hoe, was and pointed to me. I pushed him out of the car, and my other boyfriend took the front seat.

Tell me orphan jokes are a really bad joke. People are really orphans, and there is a lot of 'em, and they are all depressed. Who would make fun of depressed people? Well, those dumbass evil people!!

It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.

But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.