ME jokes
My wife asked me to please quit singing "Wonderwall" in the shower.
I said, "Maybe."
When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:
Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
Hi, my name is Meer Adnan Hussain. I am a Muslim. I live in Karachi, an area of Pakistan. I want this job. I am interested in this work. Please take me in this work. Your porn star, Meer Adnan Hussain. Wait for your email. Okay.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
You know why you remind me of a calculator? Because 1+1 equals the two of us.
Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!
Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?
One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.
Then it hit me.
What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
My therapist told me to write letters to the people you hate and then burn them.
I did that, but now I don't know what to do with the letters.
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
What did the ass say to the joke?
"You crack me up!"
What's the difference between me and a knife?
One has a point, and the other doesn't.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
What did the beat say to the rapper?
"You've got me DROPPING like it's HOT!"
I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.
What is an orphan's favorite Roblox game?
"Adopt Me."