ME jokes

My friend jokingly confessed to me she did prostitution (consensual).

She wasn't joking. :0

We are 15....

One day, I was just chillin', being a tower. I saw a plane, but it was slowly growing.

Then it hit me.

What is the difference between me and the Twin Towers?

My mom was only airplane feeding me a spoon.

A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:

"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

Guy: Hey, Siri, I failed my final exams, can you cheer me up?

Siri: What’s the difference between you and your grandma? Your grandma passed!

Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.

God: *SILENCE*

Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!

God: *SILENCE*

Me: Ice woman diary: a witch's tin key.

Other: What? You said, "I swim in diarrhea, which is stinky?"

Luke asks his friend, "How old is your father?"

James replied, "He's as old as me."

Luke then said, "It doesn't make any sense."

James then said, "He became my father when I was born."

You abuse me that I have no beards, but your sugar daddy shaved them off to look cute. 🤔

What's the difference between me and a depressed kid? At least I'm out of the grave.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Whenever someone calls me ugly, I get super sad and hug them, because I know how tough life is for the visually impaired.

My parents told me that when they had sex, it was absolutely shambles.

Thankfully, it turned out that they were real balls.

I am looking for a Robert "Jamie" Weber. He is a friend of mine from 3rd grade that welcomed me as the new kid. I am currently in 6th grade going into 7th grade (summer brake).

My step-dad works at a lumberjack company and he took me to work. I went climbing trees later that day and now I'm in the hospital.

I have 25 friends from the alphabet, but don't ask me why.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

My relatives used to tease me at weddings, saying I'd be next. They soon stopped when I started doing the same to them at funerals.

The time I saw you and you asked me to be your friend.

Me: "Yeah... no. You're too ugly. Even your parents never loved you."

Kid: 😭