ME jokes

My cousin: “How’s the lemonade stand supposed to run when you’re at softball practice?!”

Me: “Lemonade stands can’t run, dufus.”

Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

Roses are red, Violets are blue, You look like Shrek, And you make me peck.

My friend tried high-fiving me; I left him hanging.

MU, I love your joke, but I cut myself a piece of cake, pie, steak, cheesecake, and anything else I can find.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

Me: Yo mama so fat her alphabet starts with O.

My friend: What's that supposed to mean?

Me: O B C D.

I asked my date to meet me at the gym today. She didn't show up. That's when I knew we weren't gonna work out.

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

I see my friends at school. They talk to me, they go back to class, but they forgot I am their classmate, and they were like, "You're a dumbie." And I was, "Well, you're a dumbass, bi***!"

You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

I took an hour-long shower. The German officers were looking at me kinda scared.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.

Me and my friends jumped some orphans. Who will they tell? Their parents?

My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"

Me: My grandpa killed 100 nazis in WWII.

My Friend: Well my grandpa killed Hitler.

Me: *Realizes*

Teacher: Why did you throw paper airplanes at the twin sisters?

Me: You wouldn't get it.

Your mama is so stupid.

Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."