ME jokes
There never was a historical Jesus Christ. Hey, do not even dream of crucifying me.
Me: Hey God, are you there? It's me, Michael.
God: *SILENCE*
Me: If any gods exist, they better say or do something this instant!
God: *SILENCE*
My teacher gave me an A in Physics, then she tells me that it turns guys on.
My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.
Yeah, Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad, I know, yeah, I'm sad, I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
I gave her everything. She took my heart and left me lonely. I think broken heart's contagious. I won't fix, I'd rather weep. I'm lost then I'm found. But it's torture bein' in love. I love when you're around. But I f**kin' hate when you leave. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah. Who am I? Someone that's afraid to let go, uh. You decide if you're ever gonna let me know, yeah. Suicide if you ever try to let go, uh. I'm sad I know, yeah, I'm sad I know, yeah.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
I pushed a disabled kid over, and he came crawling back to me.
I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Tell me a joke about my hairline.
No, because he don't got one, feel like Donald Trump, it don't move.
Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?
Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?
Me: It's an autobiography.
Talk to me if you're online.
Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!
But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3
Ok, so I have a joke for you, go look in the mirror and when you realize, come back to me and tell me.
"Kylin milks me all day like I'm a cow."
My friend told me an EMO joke once, and I said, "EMO jokes aren't funny, cut it out!"
Hi... I'm depressed.
Follow me if you need advice, or just follow me.