ME jokes

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

What's the difference between me and a rope?

A rope will hang with you.

Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.

My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.

Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.

The neighbor’s children challenged me to a water fight.

I’m just checking my Facebook quickly before the kettle boils.

Kid: Which were me, are your parents?

Orphan: What are parents?

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

My husband and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children.

If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

My pp was in the Guinness World Record book.

The librarian then asked me to take it out.

My wife said if I rape her again, she would leave me. Why didn't anyone tell me it was that easy?

My sister is so ugly that she had to have a child with me to keep the family tree going.

So one time I was with my girlfriend, crazy, right? But we were doing a TikTok eye follow challenge, and she pulled up a pic of Gwen Stacy from Into the Spider-Verse, and I looked somewhere I shouldn’t have, and she smacked me, and I changed to the Rock, and you know where she looked? WTF, right in the no-no square, and since she was a girl, all I could do was sit back and watch.

What did the blonde say when I told a rape joke?

"Can you show me what rape is?"

The amount of women judging me for raping a poor lady is terrible. You weren't there. You don't know!

An orphan's favorite Roblox game is Adopt Me.

I work in a garage, and yesterday a gay person came up to me and said, "Why won't my car go straight?"

I used to hate foot fungus, but now it's growing on me.

Is it just me, or do these gays need to leave me alone?

America: Saying, "I beg your pardon" in British English is like saying; "What did you say to me you orphaned big forehead shitty ass small dick bitch?"

UK: You Americans are so fucking rude.

America: Oh, I'm SoRrY mIsTeR fAnCy PaNts 👖

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.