ME jokes

Nut

    • Me: How do cowboys say hello?

    Friend: Howdy.

    Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?

  • 1

    • Nut

    • Me: What are we doing in HPE?

    Friend: Fitness.

    Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.

    Nut

    • Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

    Friend: May.

    Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

    Mama

    • Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"

    Mama

    • Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

  • 1

    • Rape

    • This girl came to me and said, "I got raped in my sleep!"

    I replied, "I done it as a joke."

    -April 1, 2020

  • 3

    • Cop

    • I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).

    Aid

    • While undressing a woman, she told me she has AIDS. I told her she can't catch it twice, but she still kept screaming.

  • 3

    • Death

    • When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"

    Stereotype

    • I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

    My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

    So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

  • 1

    • Butcher

    • First date be like:

    Me: "I work with animals every day."

    Her: "Oh, how sweet! What is it exactly that you do with them?"

    Me: "I'm a butcher."