When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
Masturbation Jokes
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you call a masturbating cow?
Beef stroganoff.
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?