New Masturbation Jokes - Page 3

Once a boy named penis had a crush on a girl named vagina. Their teacher found out and explained not to bump into each other; as innocence, they said yes.

One day, penis found his teacher in the bed naked masturbating. The teacher wanted hardcore anal sex, but vagina found it out and went to see them. The teacher told vagina that it's normal. Penis said, "Gosh, that it's normal, I put my dildo in vagina's pussy." Then they three had a hell of a time and they all were pleasured, but after six months, they both had a child, one named dildo and another named pussy.

So, narrated, it can be told that penis had sex with vagina and her teacher normally but ended up getting a dildo and pussy.

Why did you always see Michael Jackson wearing two white gloves?

Because masturbation is against Michael Jackson's religious beliefs.

Why did the guy take a bath? Because he came, and it was too much of a mess.

My doctor is a very attractive woman; gorgeous face, nice boobs, smoking hot body. She said to me, “You are in your 50’s now, you have GOT to stop masturbating.” I asked why. She replied, “Because I’m trying to examine you, ya’ pervert!!!”

What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?

Beef strokin' off.

Masturbation is better than rough sex.

What's a good way to masturbate?

Get somebody to do it for you.

How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?

I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.

What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?

You can beat an egg.

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?

A: Beat it, we're closed.

So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"