Masturbation jokes
How many time does it take to cook a baby in a microwave?
I don’t know, I can’t count while masturbating.
What’s the difference between an egg and a wank?
You can beat an egg.
Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was "Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!"
Why can't Jordan moan?
Because his parents are in the room next to him. Asleep.
What's the difference between a gun and my will to live? None, they are both absent.
What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.
A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》
《Why don't you speak to me?》
《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》
《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》
Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?
A: So she can moan with the other.
What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?
You got off clean.
I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.
Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."
Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."
Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"
Ex-girlfriend: "20!"
Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."
Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
Steven Hawking was going to jerk off, nope. 😂
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.