New Masturbation Jokes - Page 4

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

You got off clean.

I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.

Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."

Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."

Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"

Ex-girlfriend: "20!"

Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."

Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.

The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.

Steven Hawking was going to jerk off, nope. 😂

Boy goes to Confession.

Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

Why did the van cross the road?

To get to the school for the little kids.

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin' off.

My sex life.

A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"