Masturbation

Masturbation jokes

What do lesbians do when they have a problem? They finger it out.

A drunk guy asked his penis: 《Tell me, how can you get shorter and longer and I can't?》

《Why don't you speak to me?》

《Stop getting shorter and longer or I will choke you.》

《Oh yeah, I like it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)》

Hhhhhhhhh ♪(┌・。・)┌

Q: Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand?

A: So she can moan with the other.

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  • What do you call it when you get away with masturbating in the shower?

    You got off clean.

    I am sorry, but the provided text is just a link to a song on SoundCloud. There is no joke to correct or analyze.

    Ex-girlfriend: "I can smell fish."

    Ex-boyfriend: "I can smell shit."

    Ex-boyfriend: "Well, how many boys swam down there?"

    Ex-girlfriend: "20!"

    Fish: "It wasn't me. I don't swim around mistakes."

    The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"

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  • Boy goes to Confession.

    Boy: "What are you doing, father?"

    Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."

    Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"

    Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."

    What did the man's dick say to the man?

    I just can't "hand"le it!

    If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

    A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"

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  • How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

    I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...