Why was the T-rex so angry? You would be angry too if your arms were too short to masturbate.
The first priest asks the second, "How long do we keep the babies in the holy water?" The priest replies, "No clue... I close my eyes when I masturbate!"
Walking's a chore, let alone crawling.
Steven Hawking was going to jerk off, nope. 😂
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired."
What did the man's dick say to the man?
I just can't "hand"le it!
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.
What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?
Beef strokin' off.
My sex life.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
They say masturbation is better with a dead arm. Apparently, I ruined that funeral.
What does a baby in a blender look like?
I don’t know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
What do you call a masturbating cow
Beef stroking off
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
How long does it take to blow up a baby in the microwave?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate...
I was raised a Catholic, and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate."
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
