Everytime I'm come straight home from work you in the bed sleep and back there dead like a vampire in a casket. Then the next thing I noticed you just came back from the dead in no time dummy.
We were talking about ancient ruins last week so I said they can ruin your day!!!šš¤£
Two men are next to each other. one looks at the other "are you a fascist". The other man responds "no why would i be" The first man pulls out a gun "are you sure." The second man says "never mind a fascist"
Husband: I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love. I had to pay a hooker for, twelve hours work. ... I felt nothing, but its was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
Chuck Norris can make 5 minute frosting in 4 minutes.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth... an abortion.
My black friend told me to stop making racist jokes... ...I told him to lighten up.
If I was a history teacher Iād make the two twins stand up and throw a paper airplane at them
How do woman make you a millionaire?
When your a billionaire.
A preacher was selling a horse. A cowboy decided to buy the horse. The preacher told the cowboy to make the horse go, to say 'Thank God' and to stop the horse, to say ' Hallelujah'. The cowboy then rode off into the sunset until he came upon a cliff, searching his memory he yelled hallelujah and the horse stopped just before going off the cliff. Then the cowboy said 'Thank God".
Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.
They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.
why do potatoes make good detectives because tey keep there eyes peeled
guy spills milk on a me i say " it's OK we all make mistakes sometimes but apparently your mom made a big one
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul walker and no one else
Because they didnāt have as big of an impact as him
How are giants and strippers alike? They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
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Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
