There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were all trapped on an island, and the nearest shore was 50 miles away.
The redhead swam, trying to make it to the other shore. She swam 15 miles, drowned, and died.
The brunette swam 24 miles, drowned, and died.
The blonde swam 25 miles, got tired, and swam back.
What happens when you make an asían girl squirt?
She charges you 10 cents for extra sauce.
Having an abortion will make you so tired... it literally sucks the life out of you.
Why couldn’t the dwarf husband make his wife pregnant?
Because of his short cummings.
Where do you learn to make ice cream? -- Sundae school.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
A boss said to his secretary, "I want to have sex with you, but I will make it very fast."
"I'll throw $1,000 on the floor and by the time you bend down to pick it up, I'll be done."
She thought for a moment then called her boyfriend and told him the story. Her boyfriend said, "Do it but ask him for $2,000. Then pick up the money so fast, he won't even have enough time to undress himself." She agrees.
After half an hour passes, the boyfriend calls the girlfriend and asks, "So what happened?" She responds, "The... bastard.....used.....coins."
Roses are red. Violets are blue. We're gonna make love because I'm stronger than you.
Why do people keep on making jokes about the twin towers?
Because they go down so well.
Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
There was a person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
How do you make an emo jump?
A cliff.
What makes sad people jump? A bridge.
Enough with the Nazi jokes.
They make me führeious!
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Hey God, what are you making?
Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.
Sounds like a match made in heaven.
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone will be sitting there. “No,” says the neighbor. “The seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The neighbor says, “Well, actually the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that. That’s terrible... But couldn’t you find someone else, a friend, relative or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
