Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.
Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.
3 men go to hell. Satan says if you can question me and I can't answer, you go to heaven.
The first man asks if Satan knew how to make computers. He goes to hell. The next man asks if he knew how to make furniture. He goes too. The third man pokes a ton of holes in a bottle cap and farts in the bottle, asks Satan where the fart came from. Satan said every possible answer and the man pointed to his butthole and said "nope this one"😂
Make america hate again
A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"
The bartender says, "No bread here."
And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"
And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."
So the duck says, "Got any nails?"
And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"
And the duck says, "Got any bread?"
And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.
What's the resemblance between a microwave and human reproduction?
They both make a sound at the end.
How do you make a baby float?
You take your foot off its head.
What goes in and comes out and makes you feel good but isn't sexual?
(Insulin)
How do you quiet a baby down?
Make baby back ribs for dinner.
Why did the toilet paper not make across the road
Because it got stuck in the crack
Do you want to know how to make a Smurf? CHOKE A MIDGET!
Q: How do you make a fire?
A: Oil and dead babies.
If a kid refused to go to bed, does that make them guilty of resisting a rest?
Son: Mom, is it possible to make a strawberry cake for me?
Mom: No, that's impossible.
Son: But it is possible for your secret boyfriend, right?
Mom: No, no, please don't tell your dad. I will make a strawberry cake for you.
Son: Daddy has already tasted your sweet strawberry cake, so because of that, I felt jealous ^_^
I lost my job making storage units for the police after a week. I guess you could say it was a brief case.
Why didn't the koala make the finals? It got diskoalafied.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.
But no pun in ten did.
How many times does it take to make a octopus laugh?
Tentickles
I make sience puns periodically
