Make jokes
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
You can make fun of adopted kids all you want. What are they going to do, tell their parents on you? Lol.
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
So what is the difference between a real doctor and a doctor of philosophy?
One cures the sick and the other makes them sick!
Why does Samsung sell TVs? 'Cause they make them! 😂🤣
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.
So I treat everyone like garbage.
Why is Santa make-believe?
Because he is fake!
What sound does a nut make when it sneezes? Cashew.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
Hi, welcome to Dave's Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?
I wanted to have sex, but I share a room with my brother, so we made a code. "Tomato" for faster, and "cheese" for more, and I shouted, "Tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese." My brother said, "Stop making sandwiches, you're getting mayo on my bed!"
My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
How do you make a blind girl smile? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Have you ever heard of Jane Doe? Well, her husband's name is Dill, so I guess that makes him a dildo!
Make a wish.
Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.
Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!
It's really great that you can make fun of orphans, 'cause what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Angelina Jolie was married to Brad Pitt...
Does that make her a "Brad Nailer", and him a "Jolie Jumper"?
Life is like a penis. Long, free, flowing, and soft, until a woman comes and makes it hard. 😉
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
I tried to make vegetable soup today, but the wheelchair didn't fit in the pot.