Make a jokes

I'd make a joke about epilepsy, but the computer started flashing.

How do you make a plumber cry?

You kill his family.

How do you make a sad person jump?

A bridge.

What makes a healthy normal man different to a disabled man?

"They can move it, move it." (from King Julian)

I made a website about orphans.

But I can’t make a home page.

How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"

A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.

The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.

The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."

The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

When God had to take a shit from making a good wife, you pasted between his ass cheeks...

I asked a Japanese chef how to make a good bowl of ramen, he said "Let me show you."

The Make-A-Wish Foundation has gone too far. All of the Make-A-Wish kids asked for cancer to be gone, so they just gave the cancer to all of the Make-A-Wish kids.

I would make a joke about America... However, the fact it exists is a joke in itself.

They are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

Suck on a finger, once bite it off, taste it, put some ketchup on it, wait, I'm making a mess, I bit it off!

Man A: "Is Google male or female?"

Man B: "Female, because it does not let you finish the sentence before making a suggestion."

Why make a joke when I wake up and look at myself?

They're making a new Alien movie.

There are so many aliens you can't keep track.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

How do you make a hormone?

Don't pay her.