Roses are red, violets are fine, I'll be the six, you be the nine.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day:
Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you're told.
Father and mother are making love in the bedroom. Mother is on top of father. Suddenly, the son enters the bedroom. Everyone is embarrassed, of course.
The next morning, the mother takes the little boy aside and says, "I'll tell you about what you saw yesterday. You know, Dad has a big belly, and that's why Mom sometimes sits on top of that belly to push it flat." The little boy says, "But Mama, that does not make any difference." "Oh no?" the mom asks. "No," says the little boy, "When you go to work, the neighbor comes, and she puts herself on her knees for Dad, and she blows his belly up again!"
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
I'm jealous of your heart because it's pumping in you and I'm not.
Friend: I'm gonna go ask out my crush.
Me: *fake sneezes* Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
I told kids to make a family tree. God, I love working at the orphanages.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I love you like my cuts.
Deeply.
Is your name suicide because I think about you all the time?
I love murder shows... wish me luck cause I'm kinda hoping to be on one one day.
BLM.
Biden Loves Bisexuality.
Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?
Donald Trump can only F@#k up.
Everyone loves orphans,
other than their parents of course.
The orphan: why don't my parents love me? Me: because you don't have any.
A little kid was lost, and he asked me to find his home. I love working at the orphanage.
Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Rizz,
Are you a biographer? Cause I picture us together.
Can I take a picture of you for I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
No pen, no paper, you still draw my attention.
You know what I hate about math? They always talk about x and y, but not about u and i.
I’m not into watching sunsets, but I’d love to see you go down.
